Review: Jason end of season Soccer party 2006

Sports movies are a very good form of entertainment because they mix the thrill of the game into the movie batter. People love to watch these movies and root for the underdog because it reminds them of their fave Bible story, Dave v. Goliath, which is where the little guy takes down the bully. People love to read this Bible story because it reminds them of in high school when the nerd gets the revenge which belongs to him, and then they think of very funny movies and this makes them smile and laugh. This particular sport film takes us to the soccer field, which would be called the football field in the rest of the world. In the dramatic (film for "very interesting") climax (film for "orgasm of the story"), our hero Jason gets chewed out by the evil coach at the end of the year pizza party/trophy ceremony. Coach says something like "There is literally nothing positive to say about the disgraceful way you played this season except that you are a little less awful than when you first started. You cost us the big game you little C." Coach tells a very hateful anecdote about how at the first practice Jason couldn't run laps with the rest of the team because he was probably too busy thinking about snacks. Just when things look really bad for our hero, however, he overcomes the odds and receives his trophy for participation. Despite Coach's best efforts, Jason has gotten dat bling and will put it on top of his dresser when he gets home to scream from the mountain top that he's got mad participation skills. It is implied that he then goes back to his seat to do what he does best and munch on some za.

Recommendation: You won't need a participation trophy if you see this movie because the participating is an end in itself because the movie is so enjoyable.

Rating: 4/5 Soccer Ball Kicks

Review: A Tribute To Guy Fieri and Smashmouth

Every year there is an awards ceremony called Oscar's Awards Ceremony that allow We, The People to just say thanks guys to the moviemen for making the movies that cast a smile upon our hardened hearts. During each ceremony there is a segment with a movie that helps us think all about an important movieman who died for his country. This year's entry was a tribute to celeb chef/white entertainer Guy Fieri. Guy was known for being the resident badass of Food Network, a TV network on the B cable antenna. He pioneered very cool fashion with his trademark frostie tips, goatee, and sunglasses, which are basically like reg specs except they make the world a shade darker. He would always act very cool and say things like "these are some money Tostino's Brand Pizza Rolls" or "this slice of white bread is outta dis world." He was also the lead singer of Smashmouth, one of the prolific hitmakers of our time. His lyrics were the narrative of a generation who just wanted to be an NBA all-star and wondered what the heck would it be like to walk on the sun anyway? Well now he is an NBA all-star in Heaven, walking on the sun with some angels forever and ever amen.

Recommendation: watch movie

Rating: 4/5 TGIF Potato Skin Appetizers

Bonus Footage:

Review: Christian Comedy - David Crowder Band Impression

Stand-up comedy is where a modern-day jester gets up in front of lots of nice people and makes them laugh and laugh. Oodles of stand-up comedians (people who do stand-up comedy) have made movies in order to bring the laughs to folks who can't make it to the show that night, which is very nice of them. One such comedian is the funny man with the puppets. Another such comedian is the star of today's filmme David Ferrell. David is probably the greatest comedian since Dante (author of the Divine Comedy and the Da Vinci Code). One look at him and you'll say "I trust this man will make me laugh" and you will smile. He wears a Loony Tunes tie to show that he is not just some lameass stiff who would wear a regular man's tie and also to show that he is gonna do some loony comedy. In this selected "excerpt" (film for "small movie") he does a very funny impression, which is where you act like someone that you hate to show how awful you think they are. The person he impresses appears to be a lead singer for a Christian rock group. I don't know who it is but I have faith (pun) that the impression is spot on. David Ferrell is my favorite comedian because he is 100% funny but also 100% clean, which is the highest percentage known to man. He really shoots egg all over the face of other pottymouth comedians who think you need to use tons of fuck-words to make people think you're cool.

Recommendation: recommended

Rating: 4/5 100%'s

Review: Cooking For Busy People - "Spaghetti Pizza" Part 2

Cooking shows are basically like a marriage between a movie and a cooking event in that they are a combination of the two. Desperate housewives love to watch cooking shows so that they can get new ideas for pleasing their hardworking husbands when they come home from work. In this modern age, however, women have PTA meetings and so they have less time to cook a nourishing meal for their men. Cooking lady Dawn Hall knows this and had the very good idea to create (or make) a cooking show just for busy people that don't have time to make an old fashioned feast for every meal. SHE IS THE BEST GAL FOR THE JOB! She has a very soothing voice and says lotsa funny stories about burning the biscuits. These biscuit stories are also educational because they let us know that even a cooking ace can make mistakes and you just need to brush yourself off and try, try again if you don't succeed the first time and never give up. She makes pizza spaghetti, which is basically a marriage between Italian favorites pizza and spaghetti in that it is a combination of the two. It only has a certain amount of calories which is important because there are so many filthy disgusting fat people on this planet that need a savior. She is also very spiritual and makes sure to thank the big dog in the sky for fat free mayonnaise or something.

Recommendation: anchors aweigh to sail to this movie

Rating: 4/5 Marinara-Soaked Meatballs

Review: The flexing mirror and more!

Arnold, Steven Seagal, Jean Claude Van Damme. These are the names of movie men who are very strong. To this list can be added the star of today's film, Pedigo2388. That list will then read Arnold, Steven Seagal, Jean Claude Van Damme, Pedigo2388. Most muscley movies are all about the butt-pounding but in this film Pedigo2388 manages to package his ass-blasting romp as a work of art. The entire opening sequence is shot in the mirror leaving the viewer constantly guessing whether right is really right or whether it is in fact left. But don't worry-- it is a thinkin' movie second and an action movie first (aside: it is probably an inspirational movie third and a romantic comedy fourth). There is plenty of sex appeal to make women excited sexually and men excited, also sexually. All in all, Pedigo2388 kicks a lot of butt and has a tight-ass bod. I'd love for him to toss me like a pizza pie high into the sky.

Recommendation: Do yourself a favor and watch this movie please

Rating: 4/5 24'' Pythons

Review: Fat MacBeth - Bellefonte High School Project from '88

Sequels are to movies what slam dunks are to basketball shots. Everyone loves sequels because they are kinda like a second draft of a movie because it contains all the good stuff from the first one but with improvements. Example: In Austin Powers 1 Dr. Evil tells his stupid son to "shhh" many times and it is kinda funny. In Austin Powers 2, however, he tells him to "just zip it" a buncha times and it is kinda very funny. This is the ultimate funny because it brought the ziplock bag craze into the mix. Fat MacBeth is a hidden gem of a sequel because it is actually a sequel to two sep movies: Macbeth and Fat Albert. Macbeth is a play made by William Shakespeare, who was the mastermind behind William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet featuring Claire Danes. Fat Albert is a cartoon about some obese African-Americans and was created by Bill Cosby, the most influential play-write and poet of 17th century England. Even though the video and sound quality of Fat MacBeth are so bad that you can't tell what's going on the whole time, you should still see it because it's the thought that counts.

Recommendation: Check it out at a theater near you

Rating: 4/5 Auto-Tracking Camcorders

Review: Help me fight awful movies.

Variety is the spice of life. For this review I will spice (remember what I said about the relationship between variety and spice in the last sentence) things up and review a movie in which a fellow movie critic critiques some movies that he thinks are very bad movies. BlazikenMaster is probably one of the most renowned critics in Europe. He is known for doing all his reviews as Goldmember from Goldmember and also for coining the "Blaziken method" in which he is all like "what the heck?!!" I don't like him. He is very negative and is always saying "this movie is bad" or "this movie really sucks, what the heck?!!" I think it is important to be positive when reviewing movies so that people will go to the movie and decide for themselves whether they should have gone to the movie. Maybe he doesn't believe in freedom of choice since he is from Europe and he probably has a feudal lord that is all mean to him. In this movie he "what the heck"s funny movies like Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie. He probably didn't get these movies because they are in English. If he knew English then he would've known that Meet the Spartans was a parody of Meet the Deedles which is a very funny movie about having silly blue hair with your brother. Then he would have been like "I've seen this before lol!" and we could have all gotten along. Everyone should learn English before they review American movies/step foot on American soil.

Recommendation: You should still go to this movie

Rating: 4/5 Learning Experiences