Review: Rappin Granny

Rap is a music usually made by/for more urban types with saggy (or "baggy") pants (or "trousers"). The least urban individuals on Gawd's Green Zone are probably lil ol grannies. Everyone knows that. What if I told you that there is a granny that raps?! You would smile as wide as the ocean. Well guess what stupid, puntin06 is a rappin granny, and this grandma gets extra funky! Watchin this vid will make you laugh and be like what the heck for all the time so it's very good. But this vid is not only good, it is great because it comes with a powerful message probably. It is difficult to tell what puntin06 is saying exactly, but we can infer that God is with her and has chosen her to spread the Good Rap. Hopefully she can reach out to at risk teens who need God in their life but only understand things in the form of rap, such as me. Maybe then we can all stop the gang violence that made Barggie Smulls and Toothpicks Shakrump get dead. Imagine if instead of being dead Barggie and Toothpicks went to church together and listened to rapping. Everyone would be nice! Tonight I will pray for more rappin grannies, but in the meantime I will laugh and laugh!

Recommendation: How bout it buster just check it out?
Rating: 4/5 Shakrumps

Review: Tennessee Global Warming Snow

A very cool type of movie is the satire. Much like the impersonation, the satire is another way to tell a noun that you don't like very much to just BUZZ OFF. It accomplishes this by pullin the ol switcheroo and pretending to agree with the very noun on which it wishes to poop. The satirist (someone who worships Satire) in today's filmme chooses to lampoon all over the noun Global Warming. Global Warming is a poop theory that states that it's too darn hot on this world and that man came from a monkey from a fish with legs (WUT THE HECK!?). It's a loada bunk! Our hero highlights (the verb not the marker) how dummy this poo theory is by make-believing that he is a typical scientist who may have book smarts but doesn't have street smarts, which are a type of smarts that are of utmost importance. The scientist says that global warming is the real deal even though there is snow on the ground, which is very cold. REAL MERICANS know that there is a strict hot/cold dichotomy in the realm of temperatures and that lying is THE DEV. To really hit the nail upon the head, the nerd scientist character insists that the snow is consistent with his view cuz there's fire up in that zone. YA RIGHT THERE'S NO FIRE IN SNOW the astute viewer will think. The satire endz with a barrel of laffz when the skunk-butt scientist claims that aliens imparted this wacky weather upon the world lol. MAYBE IN YOUR DREAMS GEEKS! I wish all those GAY NERD scientists would just take off their geekster glasses with tape on the bridge and just USE THEIR DINK BRAINS and trust their Gawd-given intuition rather than relying on measurements and statistics (the dev). We are fortunate as a race to have been blessed with today's filmmaker's unique blend of trenchant perspective, very good editing skills, and very funnie jokes.

Recommendation: This movie will have gay scientists pooing all in their pants
Rating: 4/5 anal thermometers

Review: Lord Move Me

Today's filmme is a music video for gatortrainlady's #1 hit tune "Lord Move Me" about his struggles with constipation and his cry to the good big buddy boy in the azure sky, the G-O-double D to relieve his plugged up stinker and just move his bowels please. He cries to the skies to "move the mountain in the way," but he is not actually singing about a literal mountain but instead a figurative mountain of solid cakey fecal loaf which is creating a stoppage in the zone. We see that his grandparents are prominently featured in the video in order to signify the divine struggle betwixt reg style pooping and old person style pooping. Aside from the heavy poopoo imagery, we are also delighted by the charm and musicality of gatortrainlady himself. We see that at his side there are some ancillary instruments which are a just hanging out and diggin the vibes without contributing. It is understood that gatortrainlady is a true musician with an arsenal of playable intruments at his disposable, and that he is not just some lameass 150$ Wal-Mart guitar campfire chord bradley. He also has the tabs to the song laid out upon his coffee table for easy reference. Imagine that! The most important feature of this vid, however, is the reminders it provides that the Biggest Man in the World is constantly creating a miracle soup which he ladles all over our faces. Just after the 1 minute mark the Lord wills it to be that our songster shall be left-handed for the remaining duration, and it is good. A few seconds later, he realizes that being left handed is gay and restores right-handedness upon him. Also the Good Dawg chooses to make the world black and white for bits of film as it was in the days of early television, and sepia for other moments as it was in the wild west. Let us all pray for the loosening of our neighbors bowels, that the demons of lower intestinal water retention shall be exorcised, and that the rivers shall run brown once again forever and ever amen.

Recommendation: eat pray and love this movie!
Rating: 4/5 pieces of shit

Review: Stilts Man FALLs at Fairfax Festival Parade, CA

In today's America stinker politicians have tried to make dung upon typical white people by being like wall street is better than main street. Today's movie fights that point-of-view by showing what main street has to offer like our fine-feathered friend the peacock might show it's colorful feathers to show that it can fornicate with the best of 'em. In this look at the very cool town of Fairfax, CA we see that an everyday cruise down main street is a real feast for the senses. There's cool noises like music and a man on a microphone saying something nice. There are lotsa cool colors to enjoy looking at. There are even clowns which perform upon leg-extensions which are entitled stilts. Sometimes the stiltmen remain atop their stilts. Still other times they cannot maintain their balance and succumb to gravity much like the apple which fell upon William Tell's bow and arrow. This movie highlights one of those hilarious instances in which a stiltman falls, inducing smiles abound. I think I might submit this movie to my favorite e-site that showcases these types of chucklefests-- failblog.org. Failblog is a very underground site which posts vids and pics of like men falling onto their testes or things about to fall on their testes and it is hosted by Full House's Bob Saggle the guy from Hollywood Squares. It usually will say in large letters FAIL to indicate that the he who gets his testes squished will fail to reproduce and his line will die out via natural selection. This gets you every time and causes you to experience gutbustin laffs. Sometimes if the videoman avoids getting his wrinkly bits smashed, the opposite of FAIL, SUCCEED, will flash instead. This is good for business because I learned that it is good to diversify your products from business school from television.

Recommendation: wait what was I talking about?

Rating: I'm guessing 4/5

Review: Porn Movie Titles

Porn movies are movies in which mums and pups do tha stankle in order to proliferate their genes. Today's movie is a look behind the scenes at one of the important steps in the production (or making-time)of these types of filmmes-- the name-making bit. Hollywood fat cats shell out the dollas to people like TheGoldenTones to come up with goof'd up titles that are based on previous Hollywood films but with some type of sexual pun incorporated. For example, consider the NBC goofer Parks and Recreation. An appropriate porn parody title might be Farce 'bout Procreation. It's a very funny and good but rare skill and only the strong survive, of which TheGoldenTones is included to whom because. In this video he showcases his good talent and cracks us up all in the same instants. He's a regular kookooberra. Highlights include rimpin on Hollywood movie Click starring funnieman Adam Sandleman as a ol' fahrt who can't find where the heck he put the remote. TGT fires his creativity cannon and offers the parody title Dick, which is a subtle reference to the male peep-peep. Some titles he leaves unchanged, however, out of respect for the america. These include Harry Potter 2: The Chamber of Secrets and Harry Potter 3: Harry Potter and the Ghoultown Spooks. In the dramatic zenith of today's film our main man shakes his camera all around as an allusion to the good/bad movie Blair Witch Project, a reference for real movie buffs to reflect upon.

Recommendation: Check out this thought-provoking romp

Rating: 4/5 Kookooberras sittin in an ol' gum tree

Review: Twilight is GAY! Lord of the Rings is GAY! Harry Potter is GAY!!

The Twilight Saga is a load of movies that have set the world abuzz. Some people think that the movies are very good. Others think they are very bad or it is for girls or homosexuals. Today's filmmaker/star is of the latter opinion. In response to the Twilight movies, she decided to fight fire with fire (figuratively; more literally fight movie with movie) and rebutt with a movie all her own. In it she repeatedly makes the assertion that the movies are homosexuals, which is sinful. She cites that the vampires and werewolves portrayed in the films are "dumbed down" for mass audiences who can't handle the real mccoy spook stuff cuz they are so dumdum. She goes on to list a number of other films as sinners. She is so over popular movies that are pooped into theaters near you and me because she is an above average consumer who can see through the lies. She says she is tired of shellin out the big bucks on movies and being disappointed because they are bad. While I don't agree with her in full, I do agree that I am tired of spending money on a movie and then it being different than I had expected in that it was better than I had expected. I don't like feeling so unprepared to experience an emotion. Still, we can unite in a common cause to stop homosexual movies from ruining our eyeballs because it is Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve even though Steve and Eve rhyme.

Recommendation: Do yr duty and watch this movie

Rating: 4/5 Rimrams

Review: Improv Night - Press Conference

Improv comedy is when someone is funny without planning on it. Even though the jokes might not be as funny as they'd be if the joker had practiced, they are just as enjoyable to listen to because they make you go WOW HE JUST CAME UP WITH THAT ON THE SPOT! People also like improv because sometimes the audience is allowed to participate, which makes you feel like your life is worth a darn and that is a nice feeling to have. In today's movie, a comedy troupe (kinda like a gang whose weapons are funny jokes instead of guns and knives) from the prestigious South Kitsap High School dare us not to laugh by goofin in the zone. They play an improv game where the Ringleader sends the bitch he most hates to the back so the audience can come up with a new identity for her to assume because her old one just isn't up to snuff. When she comes back the other players ask her questions press conf style that give her clues as to who the heck she might be. It's fun and funny. The Ringleader wears a shirt with text that is partially obstructed. It says "This is____." One can only assume the last line says "funny" or "good" because that is what this movie is. Rule numero uno in doing an improv is always make the audience think of something funny. Therefore the Ringleader begins by quoting funnyman Will Frenkel. This sends the crowd into a laff-frenzy which noticeably makes the Ringleader feel very good. He decides to ride it out and makes the entire game a quote fest of Will Frenkel. The audience laughs and laughs and smiles as they are reminded constantly of their fave Frenkel moments. Ultimately, one player slams the ball home by mentioning the instrument the cowbell, which is the subject of a very funny Frenkel joke that funny people quote at concerts when they want to prove how much attention they deserve. The audience loses their poop and everyone is very happy.

Recommendation: get a babysitter for the kids and go see this movie with your sig oth!

Rating: 4/5 funny quotes